Groundhog Day (his)

Last weekend we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in what many may seem a strange way.  We drove down to Woodstock, IL, the place where they filmed "Groundhog Day" almost 20 years ago and stayed at the bed and breakfast where Bill Murray's character lived during his personal evolution.

We stayed in Woodstock exactly 24 hours, arriving at 5:20 p.m. on Saturday, August 20 and leaving at 5:20 p.m. on Sunday, August 21.  We did not get caught in any time warp but it did give us an opportunity to walk around the small town Americana town square of Woodstock where much of the film was shot, watch "Groundhog Day" in our beautiful room and reflect on the 25 years of marriage where from one perspective we may have been doing the same thing day after day, and from another perspective evolving as human beings together and because of each other.

For me the greatest discovery in Woodstock was the owners of the bed and breakfast, Carla and Everton Martin.

Their story is truly one of focusing on finding their happiness and doing whatever it takes to get there.

Carla and Everton are high school sweethearts who grew up in Milwaukee's inner city.  They, however, had dreams of much more and together left Milwaukee to go to college and for Everton, join the Navy and become a pilot.  They traveled around in that lifestyle but eventually returned to Milwaukee with their two children, moving up economically and creating a wonderful life for themselves.

But Carla and Everton realized they weren't at their optimal happiness.  They had all the "things" they had been taught would make them happy - good jobs, great income, a large home in an upscale Milwaukee neighborhood - but they were missing something.  So they went looking.

For three years Carla and Everton searched for a home they could use as a bed and breakfast in a neighborhood that would allow them to be part of a larger community.  They realized that the happiness they sought was in the form of relationships they had enjoyed in their youth.  They longed for a neighborhood where they knew their neighbors, interacted with them on a daily basis, and assisted each other in their various projects.  Although their home in Milwaukee was gorgeous and sat on two acres, the neighborhood did not create the community feel they sought.  So they went to find it.

In 2007 Everton heard about an abandoned mansion in Woodstock.  Carla and Everton made the arrangements to visit and upon seeing the house knew it would be their home.  It needed a lot of work, but they saw a vision of what it could be and set about making it happen.  Two years later, after major changes that have created a work of art, Carla and Everton opened their home to others and now bask in the relationships it constantly creates.

Carla and Everton have found on their own the life that will maximize their happiness.  They have autonomy with a business that works around their life and schedule.  They have purpose as they bring their passion for their home and lifestyle into the lives of others.  And most importantly, they are constantly creating and deepening personal relationships with each other, their neighbors, their community and the never-ending stream of guests who sit around their elegant dining room table and share breakfast with two masters of happiness.

Sometimes It Pours (his)

Since starting Hapacus and becoming public about our business plan people often say, "now you have to be happy all the time."  I guess in some ways that might be true.  People certainly don't want to learn how to be happier from someone who's grumpy or depressed, but I often reply that learning to be happier is not about always being happy.  It's about changing our thinking patterns and controllable circumstances to maximize our potential happiness and be more mentally resilient to life's challenges.  In fact, the studies have shown that it requires some unhappiness (i.e. challenges) to truly be happy.

That must be true because this week has tested our happy.

Within two days this week the following happened:

• We transferred to a new IT system for our business (frustrating).
• The left rear tire on our car locked up and must be towed and repaired for $400-500.
• AAA denied the towing request for our car because of a clerical error.
• My cell phone quit working and now I have to upgrade because my current phone is considered "vintage" (when did 3 years become vintage?).
• A vendor quote came in twice as high as expected.
• Virginia's life insurance policy application was denied due to various health issues.
• We learned that two of our Hapacus funding sources backed out.
• Our electricity went out one evening.
• Our son, Joshua, had an emergency appendectomy in Arizona.

If you spread those things out in a year or even a few months it might not seem so bad.  But this all occurred within 48 hours.  We were definitely experiencing a down cycle.

But, as we always say, the human spirit is resilient.  We were very down the day after these things had occurred and we didn't talk much.  A bit of a shock to the system.  But the day after that we were back on the horse and figuring out new solutions.  And, in the scheme of things, we're doing fine. 

Here's the gratitude side of that list:

• Our new IT system is a definite improvement.
• We have another car and it's working fine.
• We eventually worked it out with AAA to get the car towed.
• The upgraded cell phone will allow me to be more productive.
• We're still negotiating with the vendor but we'll get to a reasonable compromise.
• Virginia's health is generally fine and we plan on her being around for a long time.
• We have other strategies and savings to keep Hapacus going.
• The electricity went back on, but only after we sat on the porch and talked as a family under a beautiful night sky and almost full moon.
• Joshua is fine and we have a lot of family in Arizona to help comfort and visit.

Life is hard.  It's always something, right?  But being happier is not about things going right.  Happier is about being capable of meeting life's challenges and bouncing back.  In the good times we experience more joy and in the bad times we're more resilient.  We learn, we grow and we deepen our relationships with those who matter.

I don't wish for more days like those described above, even if I can find a silver lining.  But I don't consider them the enemy.  I consider them the process.  All I can do is be prepared for the process and sometimes just hang on for the ride.